What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 01:46
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
All the time i was locked up.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Humans Age Faster at 2 Specific Times in Their Life, Study Finds - ScienceAlert
Was to survive, this bastard.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I write beautiful poetry .
Scientists create a two-dimensional carbon material eight times stronger than graphene - Earth.com
I think the readers, may guess!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was scared of men, in general
Salmonella outbreak linked to California egg distributor sickens 79 people - NPR
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Why do you think it is bad to allow people to self-identify as a different gender?
I could never make a relationship work though!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
49ers news: The No. 1 priority on offense for the 49ers in 2025 - Niners Nation
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Ive learnt so much.
She married twice! .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Having Low Levels Of This Vitamin Can Cause Dry Eyes. Are You Getting Enough? - Women's Health
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Flying Now Puts You At Risk Of Measles Exposure, CDC Says - Jalopnik
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im still living with it.
And i lived it daily.
But, we were locked up after school.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
No Man's Sky Gets A Massive Switch 2 Upgrade And It's All Free - Kotaku
I don,t even have a pension.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
What did Rama tell Sita about Kaliyug?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was very sick at this time too.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I said to her
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
This is soul school!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He knew the spot.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So whats the point in blame.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She wouldn,t have been !
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was in good health!
What did i know ?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I waited trembling.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
We all went to grammer schools
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
So, i spoilt her more .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But it wasn’t much.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Why did i forgive my father ?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As i do to all so called friends.?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She found it foreign!.
One cannot live in the past .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I was 9 years of age.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Who then, do I blame.?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She loved him until the end.
When she asked me how she looked .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We were not on the streets..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But ive been too sick for many years..
It was going to be , some day.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Would this be the day?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Comes on , in middle age.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I couldn’t, believe it.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Put me off passion for life!!
Especially a lifetime of it.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My family never makes their pension either.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was seconnd youngest,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I will be 64.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I have no regrets .
My life is so biszare .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I never cut or harmed myself..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)